Once again, as the phoenix, my blog comes back!
At the moment of writing I am without internet so I do not recall last
time I've written...years, easily. But, to write, you need to have something to
say and the time and inspiration to write it...not easy things, the latter
least of all. (amendments at time of posting: less than 2 years, I thought much worse!)
So what do I have to say?
An observation. Observation coming from what happend to me in the last 4
years. As many things, I start with a personal experience (my very suffered
separation from Mjo, seen with the luxury of hindsight, after many months of it happening) that makes me understand the world from a different
angle...and then I start to see. See other observations, that then make
a theory. Scientific method - give or take.
My argument today is: I think that there are two archetypes of
behaviours with others. One can fall in any spectrum between these, but I dare
say that majority of people is either at one extreme or the other.
These archetypes, I'd call, for want of better names, Warriors and
Runners.
A Warrior is a confrontational type. I am not implying all warriors like
to argue (but all those who do, are surely Warriors). What I mean is that
warriors confront situations. They have a problem, they attack it. They
have an unresolved conflict or tensione with someone, they go and talk it
through (or fight it through). In essence, they do not leave things unresolved,
would always pursue clarification or straight confrontation with problems.
Warriors also tend to be more talkative types, do not shy away from taking
leadership, are more opinionated.
Consequences of that are many. On the positive side, Warriors spend
little time in wondering about ifs and buts. They take decisions and that's it.
They may regret it, but they will not let things "flow". For better
or worse, they will take things into their hands, for what possible and
"do something" about situations, people, problems. In short, Warriors
are often mightly unconcerned by doubt; this does not mean they cannot think
things through (no correlation with intelligence or analytical prowess here)
but they will in the end take a decision, and leave doubts after, if any. On
the negative side, they may be perceived brash, aggressive or unappropriate,
especially by Runners, and can often say the wrong thing. Sometimes, they can
be perceived unfeeling, given their need to act regardless.
Runners, are the opposite. 4 years ago, I did not even know they
existed. I would have taken for granted that if someone has problem, would do
something about it. Not the case. Runners are anti-confrontational. When some
situation requiring direct action on their side would emerge they would do one
of two things: avoid thinking about it or let it go without intervention. That
is basically the same thing. In short they would avoid confrontation, hope that
things go the way they should and and be conspicuously oblivious of the entire
thing. Basically they do not want a situation to depend on their decision for
either fear of not being able to take the best decision or sheer lack of
understanding of what is better for them (yes, people like this exist)
Also this has consequences. On the positive side, Runners are mostly
unconcerned with life's challenges. They accept things as they are and mostly
make the best of what they can. Overall, my impression is that Runners are (or
appear) generally happier and less touched by negative events, while greatly
enjoying good things. Not taking responsibilities also makes them more carefree
and leaves them less concerned - after all, it was not their fault and things
had to go like that (avoidance and fatalism). On the negative side however,
Runners suffer from two major drawbacks. The first is that they never take
advantage, or at least not fully, of opportunities that present to them. This
is due to the fact that opportunities often present in the form of difficult
decisions to take, where sacrifices have to be made against the promise of
something good. Their inability to decide, will stifle that. Therefore, all the
opportunities they catch are due to mere luck. The second disadvantage is
doubt. Not being able to take decisions, before and after any event requiring
action they will wonder what to do, if they did something right and so on.
Their life is often afflicted by recurring sessions of "ifs" and
"buts" that they can only resolve with their avoidance reaction - by
stop thinking about them.
I do not think that, at this point, you reader, would have any problem
in recognising in which category I fall.
Or You Who Are Reading, for the
matter.
Now, what is my point? it is fairly simple. If you are a Warrior, in
superficial relationships, you will most likely get along with Runners, and
viceversa. Runners will happily abdicate decision taking and Warriors will
naturally step in. But in deep relationships, it is better if Warriors avoid
Runners at all costs and viceversa.
The reason for that is that, the two types
have a completely opposite, and utterly unreconcilable, approach to high stakes
and very important things. The more a thing is important, the more a Warrior
will fight for it. The more a thing is important, the more a Runner will run
away from it, for fear of losing it or spoiling it with a wrong action. Hence,
the names of the two types. And the reason for their unreconciliability. When
troubles arise about important things, Warriors will push to solve them, fight
them or act in any way, no matter if rational or if without any chance of
success. Runners will just do the opposite - they will avoid at all cost to
think about it, hoping the problem will disappear, if ignored hard enough.
As a result, a Warrior will get extremely angry and frustrated,
mistaking the behaviour of the Runner for lack of interest, something that if
applied to important things, is unconceivable to a Warrior.
On the other hand, a Runner would feel pushed, harassed and in general
bothered by such push by the Warrior. As
a result it will withdraw further, to the point which it will drop interest on
the important thing altogether, since if something is important, it should be
left alone, not poked and analysed too much.
The only result of such interaction, is the distruction of the important
thing
As in many things in life, there is no right or wrong. People are just
that, Warriors and Runners. And as a Warrior, I will admit that this has to
just be accepted for the way it is. Disappointingly as that may be, it can only be experienced, understood, and
kept in mind for the future
Thank you dear reader for having stayed so long with me. I truly
appreciate it.
The Wayward
